Football Anyone – No Thanks, Not For Me

About 10 years prior Thailand got football fever and nothing has at any point been something similar here. Pretty much every Thai you converse with these days follows football. The folks down the bar, ladies at work, they all have their number one group and most loved player. Abnormally, however, that group is by all accounts Manchester United, and David Beckham is the solitary player they know. This is an ordinary discussion you’ve likely had with a cab driver.

“Where you come from?”

“I’m from England.”

“Ok! Manchester United numbah one.”

Or on the other hand

“Gracious. You know Tony Beckham? He numbah one.”

Dislike the cab driver is even from modern Bangkok. He’s presumably from Buri Somewhere, however he sure find out about football and footballers than I at any point will.

I will be an apostate here and come clean with you. Football is about the exact opposite thing I’m keen on. I’m into single games – like swimming (bet you thought I planned to say something different, isn’t that right? Insidious, devious.)

However there is no moving away from it. It doesn’t make any difference where you go on the planet football is the main subject of discussion. You can be 500 miles up the Amazon River and an Indian will pop his head out of the wilderness and ask, “You like Manchester United?” And in the event that you say “No” he will presumably stick you to death.

In spite of this, you need to consider how much a portion of these ‘fans’ truly think about football. They all appear to get some information about ManU, yet I’ve never had anybody outside Australia ask me how I like the group from, say, Footscray. Hell! On second thought, I’ve never had anybody outside Melbourne, the home of Australian Rules, get some information about Footscray, or Aussie Rules football either so far as that is concerned.

Aussie Rules football in Melbourne isn’t only a game.


It’s a fixation. I was on a transport one day in Melbourne when two old gentlemen of Italian legacy got on and sat behind me. Their discussion went this way. It truly did.

“Hello Joe, you think-a St. Kilda will-a success a da association this year?”

“It is safe to say that you are a-insane? Footascray is-a going to win without a doubt!”

“Mother Mia! Is certainly not a potential. You know the issue with-a Footascray? There’s-a too numerous ridiculous Australians playing in a da group. On the off chance that they had-an additional Italians a-playing they would-a be in-a like-a da grisly Flynn!”

My relationship with football has been a catastrophe for my entire life. That is to say, I’ve genuinely made a decent attempt to get into the game. I asked my dad to get me a couple of boots and a soccer ball when I was around five years of age. We were living in Gibraltar at that point. That is a little British settlement only south of Real Madrid.

One day my dad got back the boots and ball I’d been clamoring for and after two seconds I had ripped the paper off the bundle. I plunked down, pulled on the boots and afterward needed to call for help. That is to say, those bands were twenty foot long. Where was I going to put them? Eventually, we strung them through the desired openings and did the principal tie. At that point we needed to fold them over the curve of my foot a couple of times before we at last had closes sufficiently short to guarantee I wouldn’t go arse-over-tit when I began strolling. I appeared as though I had a genuine enormous issue with fallen curves.

Be that as it may, it was no utilization. When I stood up on those lovely studs and attempted to walk – Whoosh! I almost bowed my knee the incorrect way and afterward landed level on my back on the floor. It took some time before I figured out how to become accustomed to strolling in those entertaining boots. However, when I at long last dominated them they sure felt better. I planned to play football!

Strolling cautiously from the start, I headed outside and figured out how to walk nonchalantly down to where a portion of the neighborhood young men were kicking around a lot of old clothes bound into a ball. When they saw my gleaming new football I was a moment colleague.

Serious mix-up!

That was the point at which I discovered that my hand, foot and eye coordination were seriously weakened. Rather than kicking the ball back to one of my new companions, it went all over yet where it ought to. Possibly it was only an issue with the geology of Gibraltar. On the off chance that you can discover a piece of level ground greater than a postage stamp on the Rock you need to battle the Barbary Apes for it. People need to live on the precarious slopes as well.

At any rate, I would kick that ball up the slope and the following thing I realized it would come rushing down past us. We went through the early evening time pursuing the damn thing all over the slope. I hung up my boots after the young men showed me out of the group when the ball in the end ricocheted right down to the harbor. It was most recently seen set out toward North Africa. They disclose to me soccer is large in Morocco today. Presumably the entirety of my issue.

My next genuine experience with football was in my initial teenagers. It was a games day at secondary school in Penang, Malaysia (I had a genuine worldwide childhood). I had quite recently got over my longing to play cricket subsequent to watching one of my classmates get a ball with his two front teeth. The ball won. At that point I was enticed to join the soccer group, however my last experience with that game actually annoyed.

Along these lines, I meandered around the school battleground and ended up detecting a lot of proto-Tarzans flying out of sight after a thin oval football.

“What game is that you are playing?” I inquired.

“We’re playing Australian Rules football, the game for genuine Australians, mate.” They answered. “Dislike that poofy game they’re playing around there that the Brits call football. Get in here and go along with us.”

Indeed, I was charmed and subsequent to watching them do a couple of flying gets, a “mark” they called it, I realized I needed to play Aussie Rules as well. I especially enjoyed the way that you could cling to the ball and go for it as long as you skiped it as you went. At that point you could “drop kick” the ball to somebody further down the field, as long as they weren’t “off-side”, whatever that was. I would never sort that out thus I acquired a lot of punishments during each game.

Not long after I began playing my featuring second came when I was directly in the way of a moving toward ball. I took a since quite a while ago run towards it, bounced up on one of my colleagues shoulders, jumped over him onto the shoulders of one more one, and held my hands up to get, er…mark, the ball.

Crunch! The ball arrived on the tips of my fingers and broke one of them at the joint. I spent the following not many months in exercise based recuperation. No more Aussie rules for me.

Be that as it may, the game wasn’t done with me yet.

A couple of years after the fact I was in Melbourne. It was not long after I heard that discussion between the two Italians I referenced before. I had wanted to go ice-skating out at St. Kilda. It was an extraordinary spot to get young ladies. I would skate around the arena and select a beautiful young lady I needed to initiate a discussion with. At that point I would ‘inadvertently’ find her, giving me a pardon to get her before she tumbled to the ice – well that was the hypothesis. In some cases I missed and we both wound up on our bums. In any case, I had accomplished my objective. We were in touch and talking. I figured out how to heat up numerous a female bum that path after a skating meeting.

This specific night being referred to got me unprepared. As I approached St. Kilda I saw enormous hordes of individuals celebrating in the road. It was very much like the New Orleans Mardi Gras. I escaped the taxi and began strolling towards the skating arena. As I went I discovered what the gathering was about. Somebody pushed a jug of lager in my face and said, “St. Kilda won! We won! We won!” as he went bouncing down the road gripping his mates in a giant squeeze. I made a note to keep an eye out for those huggers.

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